The King of Queens sitcom ended last night on CBS after nine years, and cast member Patton Oswalt (Spencer) wrote a sendoff that made the innocuous working-class comedy series sound twisted:
I'm also glad I got to play Spencer, who evolved into the depository for all the writer's wild hairs. Making out with old women, gay panic, double-dating Adam West and Lou Ferrigno, wrestling matches over an asthma inhaler, driving all night to stop a wedding, stalking ... if there was something creepy the writers felt like they could get away with, they let me do it.
So today I get something in the mail which I think brings my time on The King of Queens to a poetic, poignant close.
It's a letter and gift certificate from Patrick Lenow, the Director of the "Celebrity VIP Club" for the International House of Pancakes. I quote part of the letter:
"We were flattered to hear Danny trying to convince Spence to go to IHOP after their high school reunion on a recent episode. Even though Spence had a 'questionable' predicament to sort out ... "
(I was going home with a lesbian, who I hoped to still get to fuck 'cause she had mistaken me for a lesbian)
" ... with all of IHOP's delicious menu choices for breakfast, lunch and dinner, there's no questioning IHOP's ability to satisfy any hungry guest!"
Patrick's not wrong on that one. Whenever I bomb out trying to nail a dyke when she discovers my cock, nothing soothes the sting of regret like a short stack of buckwheat griddlecakes!
